


i wanna stand up, i wanna let go

by aceofdiamonds



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Gen, POV Outsider, harry talks about ginny a lot, it's gen really, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-06
Updated: 2014-04-06
Packaged: 2018-01-18 10:18:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1424839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aceofdiamonds/pseuds/aceofdiamonds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>three conversations between dudley and harry after the war ends</p>
            </blockquote>





	i wanna stand up, i wanna let go

**Author's Note:**

> i've read a couple of dudley redemption sort of fics lately and this isn't exactly one of them. i just wanted dudley seeing how harry is moving on with his life and how guilty he feels for the way he treated him when they were younger and that yeah, the weasleys are still terrifying. maybe all of that's in here. i tried.

There's a knock at the front door a month after they've moved back into Privet Drive. A month after a silver cat glides into the living room of their safe house and announces the end of the war, good winning over evil. A month after Hestia and Dedalus hug Dudley goodbye, too quick for him to respond. He doesn't know how he would respond if he had had the time. 

They had moved back into their house which looked just the same as they had left it almost a year before and things had sort of gone back to normal in the way that his mum looked out the window every two minutes and his dad cursed everything out of the ordinary on a daily basis. Dudley's just trying to find a path back to how it was before, before Dedalus and Hestia showed him that maybe magic isn't as bad as he's been raised to believe. It’s weird, feeling unsettled in the house you’ve grown up.

So there’s a knock at the door and his dad's at work and his mum's on the phone to a salesmen who keeps calling looking for Harry and who always shouts like he doesn't know how a phone works and so Dudley answers it and there's Harry himself standing on the doorstep. 

"Hey, Big D." 

"Oh." Hestia and Dedalus had told him all about his cousin and how he had saved the world not once but twice and here they had been treating this big hero like some animal who didn't know how to behave. There's something in feeling inherently guilty about something and yet still not quite being able to muster up the apology or respect deserved after such actions. "You."

Harry laughs then and it's so odd seeing him here after all this time when so much has changed everywhere. It's the middle of July, Dudley's just had his 18th birthday, so that means Harry hasn't and that means he looks like he's lived for a hundred years when he's not a legal adult yet. He has on a t-shirt that shows a new scar under his collar and there's the hint of one on his cheek but he looks closer to settled than Dudley feels. 

"What are you doing here?" 

"I just wanted to see if you had got back alright, that'd you had all --" 

The survived trails off into nothing. Dudley wonders what it must be like to have lost someone so young, to have lost so many. 

"Yeah. We're fine." That makes Harry nod, satisfied, and then he turns to leave again. "Thanks."

"What for?" 

"I heard you saved everyone." 

And he looks lost then, more like the boy Dudley used to bully right under his parents' noses. "I didn't manage to save everyone -- and anyway, I had a lot of help." 

"Those people we were with," Dudley says, not knowing where he's going with this. "They told me all the things you've done." 

"Hestia and Dedalus? They're head of my fan --"

"Dudley, who's at the door?" His mum comes into the hall before he can answer, stopping short when she sees exactly who it is. He turns to see Harry nod, a gesture returned by his mother and then she disappears back into the kitchen, leaving the two cousins alone again. 

"I really need to go," Harry says, stepping back from the door. "It was good to see you, Diddykins." 

The "you, too" is half automatic, and it's not until Harry has made his way to the end of the street that Dudley really registers what happened at all. 

 

.

 

Harry turns up again just as the Smiths are signing the contract to the house. This time he has a pretty girl beside him with red hair and big brown eyes. Dudley's brain makes the vague connection with those twins who gave him the sweet to make his tongue swell when he was fourteen and takes an involuntary step back. They're standing out in the garden this time even though it's only a couple of weeks until Christmas and it's been below zero for the last month. 

"Hi," Harry says, smiling a little and taking the girl's hand. They look happy, Dudley thinks. Or, at least, Harry does. The girl looks like she wants to stick something sharp in any part of Dudley. He takes another step back.

"Harry."

"Dudley. This is my girlfriend Ginny and Ginny, this is my cousin Dudley."

"Hello," she says coolly. "I've heard a lot about you."

First impressions can do a lot. Dudley grimaces and nods because it's all he can think to do. Harry's girlfriend -- Ginny, that's what he said, isn't it -- scowls.

"I heard you were moving. Ginny wanted to see where I grew up." From the exchanged glances Dudley can tell how that conversation went. He's seen Harry's temper before and Ginny's only said a handful of words to him but his heart's beating a bit too fast in his chest. The thought of the two of them together makes him shudder. “This is okay, isn’t it?” Harry is asking now and they both know that Dudley could very well say no, he has over a hundred pounds over him, but he can see the wands in their pockets and he might be less terrified of magic than before but not enough to cause a conflict between himself and the man they’re saying is one of the most powerful wizards around.

“Yeah. Sure. Just -- Dad’s in the kitchen, saying goodbye, so maybe avoid there?” He glances at Ginny who has made a step towards the door and then at the way Harry’s hand has tightened around her’s.

“Duly noted,” Harry says, pulling Ginny over to the garage and pointing at something in the hedge, the two of them laughing. Ginny says something next that makes them both sombre, staring at that bit of hedge like it’s given them all the wrong answers in the universe then Harry murmurs something else and presses a kiss to her temple, his arm tight on her waist.

Dudley stares openly. He’s never had a girlfriend, hasn’t come anywhere close, and he doesn’t exactly have much going for him in the hope of getting one any time soon. He watches the way Ginny leans in, her mouth at Harry’s ear, the two of them in their own little world in the middle of Privet Drive, unique even when magic is taken from the equation.

He stands with his hands shoved in his pockets, shifting a pile of snow from one drain to the other as everyone gets packed up around him. A lot’s happened in this house; a lot of good things, a lot of bad, and he doesn’t know exactly how to feel about leaving. He’s nineteen now, he should be moving out soon anyway, maybe find a place with Piers or see what Malcolm’s doing. Look at Harry. He always thought he was a freak, a weirdo with a stick that can make their aunt blow up and get rid of that cold feeling Dudley still feels sometimes when he’s scared and it turns out he was some huge hero. People change. Maybe he could, too.

Maybe.

Harry and Ginny leave after another few minutes talking beside the door, Harry grabbing Ginny’s arm when she makes for the front door with her wand out. Dudley stays back as they make their way back across the garden. Harry he can trust a little more, but that redhead, she’s still looking at him like she wants nothing more than to see him dead, and Dudley can’t even find it in him to be offended.

Harry lifts his hand in a wave when they’re past the driveway and Dudley nods in return, their new method of communication. Ginny winks at him just before they hurry down a side street and Dudley feels that fear swell up inside of him, making sure to keep an eye out every time he sees someone with hair like that.

 

.

 

His dad dies from a heart attack a week before Dudley’s 24th birthday. The funeral takes place on a warm Wednesday near the end of July at the cemetery a ten minute walk away from the house. His mum cries into her handkerchief while the minister talks about the strong spirit of his father, his strive to make things right, to always see the best in people. Dudley’s never been to a funeral but he doesn’t think they’re supposed to lie so much.

He’s sad about his death, obviously, but over the past few years he’s began to see his dad for what he really was, has really looked at the way he treated everyone around him, even Petunia and Dudley. It’s a hard day when you realise your dad isn’t the hero you always thought he was.

The ceremony comes to an end with the coffin being lowered into the ground, scatterings of dirt thrown down in an offering of peace. Dudley wipes his hand on his suit jacket and turns away, unable to stand beside his mother.

He spots him standing some way from the rest of the mourners, the late afternoon sun bathing him a orange glow that gives him an almost holy look. Dudley is sick of religious connotations. He doesn’t move when Harry approaches him, his hands in the pockets of his smart suit -- his normal suit that probably has a special pocket for his wand, although he does wonder why he’s turned up and how he could possibly know when they haven’t spoken since that day in December all those years ago.

“I’m probably not wanted here,” Harry starts with, his voice low. “I just wanted to pass on my sympathies to you and your mum.”

Dudley doesn’t have a reply for that, something Harry takes as a sign to retreat. He’s about to step away when Dudley finds his voice. “Thanks. I appreciate you coming, it’s not like you and him got on.”

Harry shrugs. “Yeah, well, I could always see how much he loved you, he was good to you if no one else.”

“How did you --”

“I’ve been keeping an eye on you, just checking in every now and again. Plus, Hestia and Dedalus are somewhat attached to you.”

Oh. Dudley has a sudden wish that one of them would visit him. They always seemed to know exactly what to say to his dad, half the time sending his rage to a place of no return, but they knew how to keep him in line.

Harry smiles. Dudley almost smiles back. They’re not quite there yet.

“Anyway, I have to get back. Ginny’s at home with the kids and she can handle them for certain lengths --”

“You have children?” Dudley interrupts. Dudley just turned 24, if he remembers right Harry still has a couple of weeks to go. Dudley’s managed to hold on to a girl for two months maximum so far; his friend from work, Simon, still tries to look up girls’ skirts when they go out.

“Yeah. Two.” Harry beams then, pulls out a picture from his pocket like it’s been sitting ready. He probably flashes it to everyone he meets. “That’s James,” he points at the bigger of the two boys, the one in picture Harry’s arms waving a miniature broomstick around their heads. Of course. The photos move. “And that’s Albus.” Dudley looks in a bit closer, sees Ginny lean over to kiss Harry’s cheek, the baby punching at her shoulder with his tiny fist. Ginny. The redhead from before with the pretty eyes and sharp mouth. God. Everything’s settled nicely for Harry. He supposes after everything he’s been through, according to Hestia and Dedalus anyway, he deserves this. “You married?” Harry asks, slipping the photo back into his pocket carefully and this time Dudley catches the glint of his wedding band.

“No. It hasn’t crossed my mind.”

“Yeah I think the ending of the war spurred everyone on. I’ve been to so many weddings recently.”

“Right.”

They stand in silence for a minute more, Dudley rocking back onto his heels, and then Harry coughs and makes his goodbyes again. “This is it then?”

It feels more final this time, like this time really will be the last he’ll speak to Harry, and Dudley feels surprisingly content all things considered. They were never going to be close, he could never make up for that childhood, but he feels a bit better after these surprise meetings over the last few years, those meetings that showed how better a man Harry is after all and Dudley’s made peace with that.

“Yeah. Bye, Harry.”

Harry winks. “See you, Big D.” And then there’s a _crack_ and he’s vanished into thin air.

  
  



End file.
